Personal Issues

October 26, 2023

I wanted to give an update about my living situation. I finally moved for my work, and I've settled into the new, rural environment. It's not as rural as I thought, I'll admit, but compared to other towns and cities around it, it's pretty far. The big city is about 6 hours away, to give some perspective. I like it here a lot though. The people are nice. That's all a traveler could ask for.

I have some other things more pressing on my mind, though. I don't like to talk about personal matters here, but I don't know where else to talk about this. I don't even know how to begin to explain. Frankly, I'm not even sure if this is a symptom of ferality or just my own problem. Maybe a bit of both.

As many people do, I like to wear necklaces every once in a while as a style choice. If you didn't know, despite my hobbies and odd interests, I tend to think I'm a a pretty fashionable guy. So I put one on getting dressed in the morning. But something felt different about it. It felt so tight around my neck, I felt like I was choking. I laid back on my bed. My mind felt so clouded. I don't know how to explain, but it felt, it seemed, like almost looked, like it was some kind of collar, or device, choking me. I felt like I was sputtering for air. It was scary. The feeling didn't go away until 30 minutes later, and all the while I was lying there and flailing around, as if that would do anything. I really don't know what came over me, but I still have this lingering sense of doom days later.

I don't want to go into massive details about my personal life or my past. It's not relevant to this blog. But maybe this whole feral virus is having some emotional impacts too. That sense of doom isn't new to me, but the desire to self destruct we'll say is new. It's unlike me. It makes me feel like I'm my own ticking time bomb, and I don't know when it will go off. I guess that symptom counts as anxiety, right? If anyone has felt the same, feel free to contact me. And to any continual readers, thanks for checking in.

Strong Smells

August 7, 2023

I know I already made a pretty recent update, but I really had to talk about this recent one I've been noticing. Although I've heard from others that a symptom of ferality is heightened senses, I hadn't fully experienced that until now. Interestingly though, it only seems like my sense of smell is abnormally heightened, not really any other senses. I've heard it's pretty common to have improvements in hearing, sometimes sight, so I guess smell isn't all that far off. I wonder if my sense of taste has also improved because of it? Or if my other senses will improve soon.

I'm sure not many will believe me about this symptom, so let me give you an example. Entering a grocery store is painful at this point. I could do my shopping with smell alone. I can identify what isle I'm in just by the smells, even through all the packaging. I haven't noticed a craving for any type of food in particular, though the bread smelled very nice, though floury. Some say they start craving meat, or even specific vegetables, but I haven't noticed that yet. I'll give another update if it does come up though.

New Adventure, Same Symptoms

July 26, 2023

Long time no write, huh? But I haven't completely dropped off the map yet, and I have a few things to talk about. So here goes.

The reason I was gone so long was that one of my friends ran into some trouble. I don't have too many friends in the first place, and this one I trust with my life, so I had to help him out. Things all worked out in the end, but I'm not going to keep bailing him out.

I also have a pretty big update. I'm going to a different country soon, mostly for work reasons. I'm not saying which one for obvious reasons, but the time zone will be different, the people different, so that will be a hell of a lot to deal with along with this whole ferality situation. But I'm hopeful it will be a good change. Where I'm going is more rural (though hopefully still has decent wifi), so perhaps the fresh air and space will lighten some of my syptoms.

Now for the long awaited symptom update. For a while my nightmares went away, but now they're back and much more repetitive. It's almost always the same one or same themes. The nightmares seem to haunt me when I'm awake too, always looming in the back of my mind. I guess I should describe a few of them. They tend to involve long hallways, tall dark figures, lots of blood all over the walls and myself. Sometimes they scare me and other times not. Either way I don't wish them on anyone.

My skin has gotten better, but there are still patches of that rash that won't go away. It's odd, I've had skin problems before like any person, but never one that comes and goes but never goes away like this. I've been getting more headaches too, ones that are really painful. It's like a bowling ball crushing my skull. The closest thing to a new symptom might be some diet shifts. It's been hard to find food that I like, and foods I used to love just taste blah to me. At first I wasn't sure if I'd caught some cold or a stomach bug or something, as I'm sure many ferals question if their symptoms are from that. But it's persisted for almost 3 weeks, so I think this many be caused by the virus. I'll post further updates when I find a new diet better suited to my changing tastes.

Reality is Weird

Feb 26, 2023

Hello again. I've been meaning to write here again, but I've been busy with other things. I'd rather not go into details, it's all pretty boring anyway. Let's just call it work stuff.

Luckily my nightmares have started to fade. I still get a lot of dreams, but they're more simple now. Some have almost seemed predictive even, but maybe that's just because they tend to be about my daily life. Still, I've always been intrigued by dreams, by what they mean, if they really can predict the future. That would be a pretty neat and terrifying power.

But now to give a true symptom update. I haven't had too many headaches recently. My anxiety seems to be fading more, though it can come and go. I have noticed a weird itchiness to my skin. Nothing major, but my skin tends to bleed a lot more. It's a painful symptom and it isn't helped by the cold. In terms of mental symptoms, I have noticed I've felt more detatched from my surroundings. I have a strong urge to run away, sometimes even an urge to yell at people. I keep it down mostly since I don't really want people to get angry at me. But the detatchment I can't hold down well. It's hard to care about certain things now, hard to feel they matter or are even real.

I have one more symptom I want to share about. I've heard rumors from a few other ferals about the possibility of auditory hallucinations. Well, some call it that and others call it hearing voices, some even say there's something divine or spiritual going on. I know ferality transforms the mind, body, and soul, but I've never experienced any sort of spiritual transformation like that. I'm not sure if I fully believe in it anyway. Still, I've heard the voices that people do hear tend to be highly intrusive, loud, and demanding. Not so much the loving voice of a guardian angel as it is the voice of some angry creature. So I definitely hope I don't experience that. Stay safe out there, ferals.

New Symptom of Ferality

Jan 10, 2023

Greetings again, fellow ferals. Today I got a concerning email from someone who recently realized they had become infected. They talked about having frequent headaches, which I already knew was a common symptom, but they also said they'd been having nosebleeds. I asked them if they had ruled out any other possibilities, such as the cold weather, allergies, or something more serious. They said they'd check with their doctor, who was stumped. Now, the person will just have to wait and hope that the nosebleeds slow down or stop (as their ferality progresses of course).

I don't have any personal symptom updates, though I am glad I haven't gotten any nosebleeds. I wouldn't want to stain any of my new shirts. But I guess the closest thing to a new symptom I've noticed is more frequent nightmares. I already had them a couple times a month, but now it seems like I have a new one at least once a week. It's made sleeping difficult, but I still get enough hours in. I guess I'm lucky.

A Late Introduction

Jan 1, 2023

While setting up this website, I totally forgot to introduce myself. Although I wish to remain relatively anonymous, I thought that sharing a bit about myself might allow you all to trust me more.

My nickname is Gray. I'm a guy in my 20s who went to college but, like many now a days, found it unsatisfying. Now I work with computers, seeing that I had a little knack for it. I'm not a total homebody, though. I love getting out in nature, and I recently went on a trip to a national park. I don't have any pets. My favorite color is blue.

There, that should be enough fun facts about me. Maybe in the future I'll consider setting up a permanent about me section. Until then, this will do.

Oh, and happy new year everybody.

A Symptom Update

Dec 4, 2022

Recently I've been notice what I think are a few symptoms of ferality. For example, I have this perpetual anxiety. It's led to full-blown insomnia. Luckily staying up late is common enough for students, but it has affected me in other ways. I can't even pinpoint where the anxiety comes from, it just feels like the primal fear, or like a fight or flight response, like a lot of people talk about. I've been depressed a bit too, but I most chalked that up the the weather. The cold always makes me want to hibernate, as do the shorter days.

Although many of the first symptoms I've noticed are mental, I have had many more headaches recently. I don't tend to get them, even when I would stay up late in the past to work on school projects or essays. Although the current symptoms are upsetting, I suppose I should feel lucky those are all I've noticed so far. According to some now feral people, their first symptoms were much stronger, more varied, and harder to deal with. I think I'll manage.

The Blog

Nov 20, 2022

The blog is now up and running. Here, I plan to document my own experiences as I become feral.

A New Beginning

Nov 14, 2022

Today marks the official beginning of this site. I have a few new features in store already, and however small, I hope this leads others down their own path to ferality.